Introduction:
It’s never about whether you’re ready or not. The game of hide and seek fools children into thinking that they will receive warnings for things coming next. It doesn’t work that way in life. If it did a lot of people would probably object. “Ready or not? I’m not ready.” They would say, but you can’t stop these things, you can’t actually have a caution sign at every obstacle you face in your life. Obstacles will come, and they will challenge you, and hopefully they will make you stronger. So the next time you’re playing hide and seek, don’t give your hiders an extra warning. You’re coming to find them whether they like it or not, whether they are up for the challenge or not, whether they are ready or in my case, not.
“I do not want to come with you.” I gasped for air as a tear rolled down my cheek. “I have always regretted saying that I would think about it when the truth is I had made up my mind way before you even asked.” His eyes hurt me; two crystal blue pools of sharp glass cutting every inch of my body. His tan complexion drove my senses wild, but I was not going to lose everything to him again, I’d done it once, and that was already enough. “You broke me. I am like this because of you. And I can't stand here and pretend that everything is okay when every day I become more and more miserable.”
He didn’t even respond. One tear rolled down his cheek. By this time I was bawling. That one tear was all the words I needed to hear. That one tear, combined a whole collection of emotions. The emotions he refused to share with me, the thoughts I knew he was thinking, all came out. In that one tear, my whole vision became blinded as his tall frame crumbled before me.
The words echoed in my mind, “ready or not…” I shuddered as a steady breeze rustled the nearby trees. My brown hair was picked up by the soft wind; it tangled and stuck to my tear stained cheeks. I bent down to see the strongest man I had ever come to love collapse before me. I had taken his world and turned it upside down, and then shook it up and down. The sight of us crouched on the cold cement sidewalk was a picture that could break anyone’s heart.
His watery eyes stared into mine as I struggled to catch my breath. It wasn’t going to be easy to stop my eyes from continuing to waterfall onto my cheeks, but I knew it was the only way I could end this for good. His stare made me want to do so many different things, so I avoided his gaze, stood up, allowing my stiletto heels to click onto the ground. I took exactly four steps away from him, changing my future forever. I shed one last tear and quickly brushed it from my cheek. I turned back to face him, struggling to hide all emotion. I extended my hand out to him, and as he reached for it, I let the 3 karat diamond engagement ring fall into his palm. The pain I could see in his eyes made my heart explode, but I had to do this. I had to. Ready or not, this was the only way to become ready, if I hadn’t been prepared enough. I turned back around, away from him, and took those same four steps, but instead of facing him again, I took a fifth step, and by the time I realized it, I was over 400 steps away. I got into my car, and drove.
Ready or not, here I come.
Day 1:
“Leanne,” my eyes were glued to the computer screen. The blurred vision of the letters typed out onto the blank word document made my senses ache. I had been staring at the same four words for approximately 20 minutes.
“It’s time for you to go home,” Frank was standing around the corner of my desk. He shook his head and handed me a stack of papers. “New York?” His questioning tone made me realize that there was an assignment I had to complete. I nodded, sending my arm across my desk and toward the papers.
“What time is the flight?” my voice was jagged, dreary, and unemotional. His eyebrows came down to the center of his forehead. They almost touched as he gently grabbed my arm.
“Are you sure you’re,” he paused, “Are you sure you want to take this trip? Why don’t you just take some time off?” His expression told me that he was not truly worried about me, but more worried about the job. Frank cared, but only about his company.
“Frank, I will be okay.” I started rustling through the stack of papers he handed to me. There were ten forms I needed to fill out before the conference and I knew that these were not average company policy sheets. They took depth and creativity, something I was lacking, but to keep the company together, I had to hold it together.
I could feel his gaze continue to stare at the top of my head. “Is there anything else I can help you with Frank?” the sound of my voice was foreign to my ears. He smiled with sadness shining through his entire stare. As he shook his head, I could feel the building wash over with silence. Eighty percent of the staff had already gone home and those who were left were engulfed in some sort of online conference. I knew none of them were paying attention to the conversation I was struggling to end. I stood up out of my chair, pulling my bag onto the desk. I rustled through to find my keys. Gathering the stack of papers he had just handed me, I pulled out a water bottle. Frank winced as he saw the engraving on the side. “Bridal Boutique” was written in calligraphy. It didn’t occur to me that even my supervisor would have the same reaction as I previously had only 8 hours ago. How did every day things obtain so much power over our emotions? I brushed off his concern and smiled unsure of what to do or say next.
“Well, if that is all you need from me, I think I will be going home for the night. May I ask what time my flight leaves tomorrow?” I straightened out my blazer trying to keep my hands busy. I did not want to pick up the water bottle; I did not want to pull attention to it again. I kept thinking to myself, maybe I should just leave it here, but that could be worse, then everyone will see it. Frank just would not leave, his concern made me uncomfortable but I knew he was just being the awkward man who somehow obtained the highest position in the company.
“The company car will pick you up at 6:45 tomorrow morning. Do you want them to come to your new place of residence? If you do I will need that address,” he lost confidence at the end of his sentence. I pulled a sticky note from the side of my computer monitor. Keeping them there always seemed the best for me, right at the perfect level to grasp. Any notes I had to leave for myself were always seen. I quickly wrote down an address, an apartment, forty-five blocks from the office building. I knew it was far enough away from downtown that no one, would ever think to come visit me, without notice.
I handed him the note and quickly picked up the water bottle throwing it under my arm. Some water spilled out onto the floor, as I slammed the nozzle shut. Frank uncomfortably turned toward his office door, signaling a wave that only made it half way. His had fallen down to his side as his back finally turned to me. My heels clicked on the cement floor as I made my way to the elevator. It was 9:30 at night and I knew that there was no chance in the world I would run into anyone at this hour. People seemed to leave the office around 8 or even 10, but in between those two hours, people seemed glued to the work they were completing. I knew this because, I paused at the thought. It was our time in the office, his and mine. I shook off the memories as I exited at the first story. Walking out toward the curb I raised my hand to hail a taxi. Leaving my car at the company garage was the best idea for the weekend. My apartment parking was nowhere near as safe as the company lot. I sat in the back of the taxi, told the driver my address. He drove, I closed my eyes. He stopped at a red light; I fiddled with the only ring left on my hand. He pulled over to let me out, I handed him the money. He drove away, I unlocked the apartment door. The yellow taxi disappeared down the street; I crumbled to the floor, my apartment door slamming behind me. Tears filled my eyes pouring out all over my face. I sobbed even when there were no more tears left. It was over. And it taken a full day of work to realize that it was only 15 hours ago that it was over. The end had happened. Was I ready for this?
No comments:
Post a Comment